11:26 pm 10/22/15

Right now wishing I had someone I felt connected to, to lie next to (doesn't have to be in a bed). Someone who I feel so comfortable with we can just lay in silence. But we wouldn't really have to because we can always talk about something. Wishing for that in a completely wholesome way. Free from worry about hidden agendas, underlying plot lines,ongoing side stories. Just genuine relationship, the best combination of romance and friendship.

6/5/15 10:30pm

He has to feel the same way I feel about sleeping with each other every night. Loving him and loving myself cannot be mutually exclusive.

10:13pm 6/5/15

I'd like to live in Greece someday with the person I love.

5/31/15 3:01am

Friends are supposed to make you shiny too.

5/31/15 12:55am

You agree with socialism but you care about Michelin stars? -_-

5/28/15 1:22am

I think of saving myself, but I really wanna work it out; down here in hell with you.

12:29am 5/21/15

I don't know why, but I'm really not afraid of death. When I was younger I was terrified. Leaving people behind sucks more than losing physical form on earth. Im quite sure that losing other people to death hurts more than your own passing.

10:22pm 5/17/15

I hope when I die people don't try to slander me by pretending we were close when we weren't. Posting that one photo we have together or snippets of conversation to prove that we were friends. Everyone wants to be involved... #NoOneKnewWeWereFriendsTilIDiedAndNowICantDisputeIt

5/15/15 12:08am

I think the universe speaks to you through dreams. It is the only time you are ever really forced to listen, but you should be very objective in your attempts to interpret them.

12:34pm 5/11/15

Gave some shoes to the homeless today, but the way I wear my shoes to death they probably still look homeless.

1:13am 5/11/15

There is strength in being vulnerable.

6:20pm 5/10/15

It really perplexes me how a woman can be crazy enough to yell at the white women on the train calling them KKK members and claiming that they just fucked some black men and are going to call it rape. But still be sane enough to claim that they also "even look like whores on Mother's Day". Do they look like whores? - No, not in my opinion. Is it in fact Mother's Day? Yes it is. She is 100% accurate. So how is it that she can be so accurate about this one fact but just so crazy and unclear about social etiquette. Even if she does actually believe these things she must know that it is not appropriate to say. Also she is sane enough to put on a matching outfit, even if it is a royal blue on royal blue bell bottom suit. So is she really "crazy", or does she just not give a fuck? I would lean more to say that her anger has completely nullified any shred of social grace she once had. But she is not crazy, because wouldn't a "crazy" person not even know what day or much less what holiday it is? Would she be considered selectively crazy?

4:08pm 5/6/15

I know how fucked up people can be because I have had my share of participation.

9:20am 5/4/15

It will make me feel so fulfilled to cook for MIM and my husband. It really is an expression of love, to watch them eat and know I was able to feed them will make me feel amazing.

12:49 am 5/3/15

Men are just dumb, not being emotional, just an observation.

8:53pm 4/30/15

I really wish I knew someone like me.

8:32pm 4/26/15

He has to genuinely be interested in pondering the world with me.

12:34am hehe 4/26/15

So excited to sleep in, I had to write about it. Had to long in too.

12:48pm 4/22/15

Ive been waking up so many times during the night, looking at my phone and being confused about the time. Then realizing that I dont have to be up yet and thinking how its amazing/crazy that I have more time to sleep. Its strange. I hope it stops.

10:10am 4/22/15

I don't understand (but i do), why some people even after they've made their choices and have gone on living life and have everything,or at least have enough and have themselves, would still want someone who has done nothing but good and brought positivity into their lives, to still be hung up on them. If you claim to love or even care about someone , don't you want the best for them even when its not you, especially when it is not you by your own choice? Why would you want them pining after you, still living a life that revolves around you? If you care about someone but you know you cant or just wont follow through with actions that promote their well being and mental state wouldn't you want them to find who or what can? I have been in this situation and although I loved the person as a human, I knew I was not in love. Although, it was nice to have someone consistently caring for me and wanting to be together, I knew that they deserved better, so I let them go, because I knew they were deserving of someone who would reciprocate the kind of love that they desired. Isn't that what you do for someone that you care about? But I do understand that is not what selfish people do. People who know they've had something special but had and have no intentions of ever taking care of it. People whose world solely revolves around themselves. They will create a whole life outside of you and then still try to take yours. Some people want to use you up and leave you with nothing. They'll even allow you to lose yourself if you let them.

9pm 4/21/15

I've learned to always keep living.

7:46pm 4/21/15

http://genius.com/Fka-twigs-papi-pacify-lyrics

8:49am 4/20/15

I dont like to say a certain thing wont happen, i think life likes to be ironic.

1:17pm 4/19/15

It will be so adorable when Leah and I have a baby together.

2:09am 4/19/15

He won't make love to me now Not now, I've set the fee He said it's too much in pounds I guess I'm stuck with me He told me I was so small I told him "Water me"

1:54am 4/19/15

Never tell me no, http://youtu.be/OydK91JjFOw

10:18pm 4/17/15

I have no plans on life.

9:12am 4/17/15

Yesterday I told someone, "Everyone's gonna fuck up, so just be with the person you love the most" I need to figure out which part of me believes this, as I wouldn't have said it had I not meant it.

4am 4/17/15

.

3:38pm 4/15/15

I don't understand why I would give up my fathers last name to take another mans name when my father is the best man I will ever know...

1:59pm 4/15/15

The type of friendship Leah and I have is legimately priceless. I don't think many people get to experience such a pure relationship where mental and physical health is consistently promoted and supported. We cuddle, we laugh, we talk, we share. All the good things all the bad things, no judgement. She is my relationship standard.

3:31am 4/15/15

Rocket is the song for my husband if I ever have one.

11:29pm 4/13/15

my soul is probably prettier than me.

7:45am 4/13/15

Sometimes it's as simple as how perfectly you fit together in your sleep. Unfortunately, I'm talking about my dog.

8:24pm 4/12/15

I get so many amazing naked selfie ideas from Instagram, smh. #inspiration

4:00pm 4/12/15

When I have my family, every year, for each birthday, MIM's and my husbands I'm going to make Oreo cookie pancakes for breakfast.

7:26pm 4/9/15

I realize all money is money, but the money I make from jewelry is just so much better.

12:36pm 4/9/15

"Half on a Baby" was playing in my dream last night -_-

7:03pm 4/8/15

I am even shocked I felt that was worth a blog post.

7:02pm 4/8/15

o well.

11:05pm 4/6/15

When I watch Friends it makes me not want to settle. I don't know if that makes any sense but it's like they all go through times where they're in the wrong situation, whether its work - Rachel working as waitress in the coffee shop - Joey's acting "career" until it actually was a career - Monica's catering company - Pheobe's musical pursuits or relationship - Richard and Monica - Chandler and Janice - Pheobe and David - Pheobe and Mike - Ross and Carole - Ross and Emily - Rachel and Paolo - Ross and Rachel It even lasts for extended periods of time (in TV time), but they just keep going and living and experiencing and in the end they get what they want. Even if its not initially what they thought they wanted. They all end up in the situation that's right for them ... and yes I realize it's television but I also realize I'm allowed to be inspired by any and everything, real and/or make believe. and I guess I am in a space where I need to be reminded to keep living. To keep going. To keep experiencing. To not settle. Life is always evolving.

11:22am 3/31/15

Whenever I see myself naked I just think about how great it will be once I have a bikini tan.

11:21pm 3/30/15

Side Note. Although I understand it MAY be good for some young women to see this and possibly good for Karrueche career wise (though I don't see or care how), I am really not for her crying on national TV over a man. I feel like Oprah should be cutting CB a check for all these "Chris Brown Broke my Heart" specials. Women have so much power, and a great deal of it is wasted on men. - A man is not your testimony. A man is not your greatest hurdle in life. Side, side note. Karrueche is actually a cutie!

10:45pm 3/30/15

"What is it about you, Karrueche Tran, that would draw a damaged man into your life?" Women have been trained to be in love with a minimal man. Made to feel like it is the norm to cry over "love". So willing to "wait", and postpone their happiness for the sake of another. If those are not tears of joy it's not worth your time. Men have been trained to do only as much as they need to to get what they want. Women have allowed that to be ... not much. Men don't fall in love with "promise". Women do. Men most often don't fulfill promise and move on to what most immediately fulfills their needs. People need to hold themselves accountable. Healthy relationships exist when you stop making excuses for yourself and for others.

5:38 pm 3/29/15

People are going to do whatever they WANT to do. Don't ever let them fool you into thinking any different.

4:56pm 3/29/15

At the end of the day actions are everything at the end of the day.

1:29pm 3/27/15

LordJesus, if there is a Christ in heaven, please spare me from dating and send my husband QUICK!

7:40pm 3/23/15

Some of the most amazing times of my life have yet to happen.

10:14pm 3/22/15

I know exactly what a healthy relationship looks like and entails. I have no interest in entertaining anything less.

9:01pm 3/22/15

melanin is everything!

2:08pm 3/20/15

I've been throwing up all day at work.
Just threw up my lunch. I can't keep any food down and I'm afraid to eat again.
Stuff like this never happens to me.

11:39am 3/19/15

I'd much rather have wet dreams about women than nightmares about men.

8:51 pm 3/18/15

I love my family so much. They help keep me warm.

2:47pm 3/18/15

I just reread a final paper I wrote in 2008 on Eisenstein's "polyversal humanity".

If someone would have brought up Zillah Eisentein to me yesterday I would've had no clue who they were talking about.  -_-

11:15am 3/18/15

I would love to do a ranking of which hedge funds have the best kitchen.

It would include decor, layout, stemware, snack and drink selection (including teas), condiments, and frozen food selection.

Anchorage by far has the best layout, snack (so much chocolate it could be Halloween! + they have drawers of blue Orbit), drink and frozen food selection, however their coffee cups are struggling.

Tremblant def has the best stemware.

3/16/15 9:51pm

I'd love to go to Spain and try a thousand craft Gins.

3/16/15 7pm

I've decided I'm going to learn to play the guitar.

To be continued...

3/16/15 12:27pm

Embrace what the universe has to offer me it may be more abundant than anything I could have imagined I wanted.

3/15/15 9:18pm

I realize that the man I will marry is probably somewhere right now, in a relationship, with no clue that I exist, thinking he will spend the rest of his life with the person he's with now. The exchange of people in life is crazy, how lives intertwine (not in a sleazy way), maybe they will have an amicable breakup and then we will meet. It's just at a certain age you tend to believe you're going marry anyone you are seriously dating, though more likely that you won't. 

More hopefully my future husband is currently independent and happily unattached focused on making a life for himself and future family. And in a perfect world...saving intimacy for his future spouse, as am I. 

Putting it out into the Universe. 

3/15/15 9:11pm

I think one of the best things about me is that I'm always the same person. 

And I rarely act aimlessly. I always have intentions, whether good or bad.  

I try my best to only act on the good ones.

3/15/15 2:25 am

the most amazing thing about this party is the fact that their are people my age here that have no idea where they are.


Not even sure anymore.

3/14/15 8:01pm

Her middle name will be Maison

Marley-Ila Maison

<3

3/14/15 5:46pm

As long as you're alive you still have a chance to be happy,
and maybe death is ecstasy, won't know until I try it.

3/13/15 9:42am

Growth for the most part is invisible. 

We wake up and were taller. 

We wake up and our hair and nails are a little longer. 

But I have never seen that exact moment where I grow an inch. 

Rarely do we get to see growth with our own eyes. 

I guess that's why it's cool in movies/cartoons (bla bla) when they speed things up and show someone's appearance change  (like a beard growing).

Or why kids are fascinated to see worms regenerate their parts. 

We often see change but growth is a pretty foreign concept to our eyes. 

3/13/15 12:33 am

I really do want something so real it's invisible.

A bond only we know about. Only we'd know what it felt like because it only exists with us. It can't be replicated because only we can create it. A bond like God. Even if you never saw it you still believe it. We could be apart forever and itd still be so real.
... But we'd never have to be. Because we'd both chose each other every day over anything. And it would be overwhelmingly visible to everyone else. Like Energy/Vibe PDA.

HopelessRomanticColdBitch

3/12/15 9:20am

...actually it was a clusterfuck of weird dreams last night.

3/12/15 9:18 am

Weird dreams about Beethoven.

3/11/15 2:45am

The most tragic part is that Marley-Ila won't exist if I can't trust anyone.

3/11/15 1:48 am

My view of the world is subtlety but drastically changing.

3/9/15 2pm

If I have cash and I see someone who is IN NEED and not just NEEDY, I will give.

3/8/15 2:55pm

How come people compliment me and then say "God bless you" ?

Wouldn't it be more useful to go around asking God to bless the ugly and unfortunate?

3/7/15 12:18am

Cautiously optimistic, tho I feel I shouldn't be.

V, if and when this does not work out. Don't be sad. Don't cry. Know that you are smart and aware.

For me and only me.

I need to be strong enough to stand in my truth.

3/3/15 10:41pm

safe and warm inside myself.

3/3/15 10:36pm

Guess I needed you enough not to notice 
Guess I wanted you enough to lie
You wear so many faces
I shoulda known
But that sure was a beautiful disguise  

3/2/15 11:55am

I know better.

3/1/15 7:05pm

My jewelry is definitely a reflection of me; which may be why I have difficulty making delicate pieces.

I hope that's the correct use of a semicolon.

3/1/15 7:04pm

Maybe I have always been resilient.

2/27/15 11:27 pm

It's only taken being in love twice (in my adult life) to realize that it's not for me.

2/22/15 10:36pm

Sometimes I understand the human condition too well.

2/19/15 5:35pm

i can have as many babies as I want, or don't want ☺️.

2/10/15 8:04pm

One day when my husband and I have our beautiful Marley-Ila, I will remember today and appreciate even more how much of a blessing she is. He will probably never know about today because (hopefully) it will be a blip of an insignificant memory that has only this time consuming, inconvenient, short term affect on my future.  Or maybe I will just tell him in passing one day and we will laugh about my overreactions and dramatics. No matter, I will always remember how I felt today and how certain I am about my desire for her existence.  

4:06 pm 1/23/15

The fact that I probably have a cavity right now is proof that life is not fair.

11:31 pm. 1/21/15

Whenever I'm stressed I try to remember that time resolves everything.

3:20pm 1/18/15

i can't wait for rainy days like this with my husband, we'll cuddle up next to the fire place and have movie marathons.

1/16/15 7:32 pm

Blueberries are ok when they are covered by the blood orange passion fruit sorbet at cafeteria


Blueberries are ok in disguise.

1/16/15 1:35 am

I will see you through every horror life has to offer you. Have courage and be kind.